Little Miss Wise as a parable for our brave new digital age

Hello fellow Realists,

A little personal note before we get started. There was no newsletter issue last week because my family caught Covid (for the first time since the start of the pandemic). I had to cancel plans and go into full childcare mode, since we couldn't send the little one to the nanny. We were very fortunate and had an extremely mild case, so all is good, but this explains the radio silence.

I want to thank you for your thoughtful responses to the latest article about How to Be a Realist in an Extremely Online World. The comments and emails you sent me were illuminating and provided much food for thought. So a heartfelt thank you!

This week I'd like to address something that has been on my mind a lot lately, something I'd like to get off my chest. You can see it as a natural continuation of the last post about being a realist.

Confession: I struggle with screen time and tech addiction like so many people. I hope that these posts - encouraging people to use the internet in a more mindful way - are not being misconstrued, as if I boasted I was "better than." Far from it! I come with the humblest intentions.

I agree with interviewee Sara Melotti that in this brave new technological age we are forgetting how to be human. I'm alarmed by this and I want to create a documentary, a blog, and a community to discuss these issues, encouraging people to use technology and not be used by it. Because there are not that many voices out there communicating these messages. Ultimately, I'd like to find a community of like-minded individuals.

The idea that to be happy, to be successful, to be social in our present day you need to be extremely online, well... it's an illusion I'd like to shatter. If not for myself, at least for my little one. It terrifies me to think that - fast-forward a decade - she may spend the vast majority of her days online, her self-esteem directly affected by something as hollow as digital likes from an audience of strangers.

I also find it fascinating - and disturbing - that the tech wizards who created this brave new technological world are sending their kids to schools that ban electronic devices.

Things is, the message of The Realists is not anti-tech. I hope this is clear and if it's not, well, I'd like to spell it out in no uncertain terms right now. I am not demonizing technology, the internet, smartphones, social media platforms. No. What I find crucial is to - once again - use technology in a mindful way and not be used by it.

Little Miss Wise could be a little wiser

I think the book Little Miss Wise may be a good metaphor for the brave new digital world we live in.

In case you are not familiar with it: author Roger Hargreaves created a series of illustrated characters that embody personality traits. The Mr. Men and Little Miss series have books such as "Mr. Busy" "Mr. Brave" "Little Miss Helpful" "Little Miss Brainy" - you get the idea.

I stumbled upon "Little Miss Wise" at a used books sale and bought it for my daughter.

I read it and I could totally identify with this character who loved to do "wise and sensible" things and stay out of trouble. Thing is, the more I read, the more depressing this little story became. Little Miss Wise turned down offers to eat sweets, go car racing or go into a messy house (for fear of getting dirty). The story went:

By Saturday, Little Miss Wise was feeling unhappy. 'If I keep saying 'no' all the time, I'll upset everybody and I won't have any friends left,' she said to herself. She thought long and hard about the problem, and being the wise and sensible person she is, she came up with an answer. 'From now on, I will say 'yes' to everything.

When I finished reading Little Miss Wise, my first thought was: "Wait, these are her only options?" She said no to "unwise" activities and felt lonely, so now she says "yes" to everything?

I wish Little Miss Wise could find a community of friends who share her values. After all, the only people she came across or spent time with were "Little Miss Naughty" "Little Miss Greedy""Mr. Busy" "Mr. Messy""Mr. Silly" "Mr. Mischief" and "Mr. Nonsense."

They all had an outsized power over her; it never occurred to her to say anything other than "yes" or "no" in response to their invitations. She was mostly passive, reacting to outside stimuli.

I see this as a great metaphor of our current age. A realist may be tempted to feel they have to be extremely online, give in to certain tech platforms, in order to maintain a social life or professional standing. But it’s just an illusion.

You could replace "Mr. Mischief" "Mr. Nonsense" "Mr. Messy" with TikTok, Instagram, Twitter... and Little Miss Wise could be a great parable for our digital age.

A different ending

Thing is, I'd like to write a different ending for her.

Little Miss Wise keeps saying no to unwise invitations… and she finds sensible friends that she can spend time with.

Little Miss Helpful, Mr. Cheerful, Little Miss Tidy, Mr. Marvelous, Little Miss Brainy, Mr. Happy and Mr. Good for example.

Guess what? These are real characters from Roger Hargreaves' book series.

Similarly, the biggest piece of advice I would give to someone who wants to spend less time online and be less affected by this brave new technological world is: "find other realists." And seek out activities away from screens that make you feel whole.

Find other realists

If you wanted to reduce your alcohol consumption, you wouldn't spend all your time in bars with friends who drink a lot, right? Same with this.

Say you are concerned with how much time you spend in front of a screen... Mindlessly scrolling through TikTok... Feeling comparison anxiety because of Instagram influencers… constantly checking how many likes your latest LinkedIn or Twitter post got.

If you are looking for a change, my biggest recommendation is: make a list of activities that make you happy and make you feel connected to others. Away from screens and algorithms.

For me, it's definitely walks in the park... playing with my little one in the kids' playground... going to the library and finding books serendipitously by browsing the shelves (instead of getting recommendations by an algorithm)... seeing friends in real life and going on walks with them... street photography... going to museum exhibits... traveling with my family...

Make that list and make sure to block time in your calendar for such activities. At regular intervals.

And spend quality time with people who share your values.

Because, as my friend Anna Ravanona says about her initiative Global Invest Her: "community changes everything." It really does.

If you’d like more concrete, actionable advice about using the internet in a more mindful way, you might enjoy these posts from The Realists blog archive:

• 3 key habits to become a successful digital minimalist
• What motivated me to rebel against ‘time thieves’
• How do I resist ‘time thieves’? Through FRICTION